I like to think I can write, but I know I can't. By that, I mean writing more then just a paragraph or two with more then a couple sentences in a paragraph.
When I am not at the computer, I can think of how long I want to write something, and it's way more then a couple sentences. But when I actually sit down to make an entry, I feel like I am wanting to get it over with, or I get side-tracked with something, or am multitasking. Like now, I was paying some attention to the IRC server I was on. I do that all the time, and it bothers the crap out of me. Finally I just minimized it, instead of letting it sit behind this window. Even when I am sitting down and wanting to write a long entry, I do it. Another thing I tend to, which hampers my writing, is, I will re-read what I had typed, and decide I don't like something, and delete it. Then I will have to delete other stuff, so it makes sense.
I used to be good in focusing in on things, but as I have gotten older, I guess I have changed. Time to change back I think, I liked being able to focus in on things, accomplishing things that required more then a few minutes. Looking back in my life, I try to reason why it happened. Alot of it is the instant gratification that our society has turned to. Want something to eat? Nuke it, or go to a fast food restaurant. Want to know what's going on in the world? Turn your TV to CNN or go on the internet to see.
Not saying instant gratification is a bad thing, in some cases it can be fine. But for me, it's not okay. Alot of times I am impatient, I know this. Alot of times I want something NOW
, and not wanting to wait. In some ways, I am more patient today, then I was when I was younger. I was always rushing to get places, getting upset if something, or someone got in my way. Road-rage for one. Yea, I used to be bad, but there is never a good case of road rage. Have a friend who was real bad though. Someone was driving real slow in a residential area, and he finally stopped, and wouldn't continue. So my friend got out of his car, pissed, and walked to the side of his car (the person may have been driving a truck, now that I think about it), and punched him, and bloodied his nose. My friend was worried about getting reported to the cops, but I told him he probably wouldn't. My reasoning was, how do you report that? "I was being a real jerk to this guy behind me, driving all slow, and wouldn't let him pass. I guess he got pissed, and punched me." Just didn't see it happening at the time.
Anyways, I am pretty sure I can do it, just have to make a conscious effort to do so. Start reading again, I think that will help. Haven't been able to read a book in a while. After a while, I just set the book to the side, and forget about it, or I lose interest in it. Unless it's a really good book. *Goes to put a book in his lunch sack* Ugh, forgot I left it at work... so I set it next to my keys.
Think that's about it for the night. Need to hit the sack, may write more tomorrow.